My email address is chris@chriscoltrane.com.

Alternatively, tweet me: @Chris_Coltrane.

YOU SHOULD EMAIL ME IF:

  • You want to book me for a gig
  • You want to give me writing work
  • You want to give me a compliment
  • You have an idea for some activisms
  • You know about some anime I should watch
  • Basically any other reason. I’m quite friendly, really.

YOU SHOULD *NOT* EMAIL ME IF:

  • You want to trick me into buying 200,000 watermelons at cost price
  • You want to pretend you’re booking me for a gig, but in actual fact it’s not a gig but the opening of a new dildo factory in Inverness
  • You are attempting to undermine my authority with the local youth
  • You are the head of ISIS
  • You are Jonathan Taylor, who in year 9 told me I had a “face like an idiot”
  • You want to get closer to me in an ultimate attempt to steal my wife Portcullis & my seven furious sons.